5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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