So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
