I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
