Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
