I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
