i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
