dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
