Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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