Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
