Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
