my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
