After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
