You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
