Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
