Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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