tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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