That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
