The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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