Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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