wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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