I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
