Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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