ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
