Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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