It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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