There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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