She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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