$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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