I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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