Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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