What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
