Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
