I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My pussy is not your playground.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
