She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
try to milk me bitch
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