If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
