she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
