Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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