I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I puked a lego.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
