I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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