My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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