If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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