I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Barsexuality is the new black.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
