We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
