oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
