Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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