Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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