the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
