Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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