Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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