I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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