the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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