I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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