Grow some girl-balls and come out already
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.