Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.