Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH