Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
