you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
