Umm I'm too high to move.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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