i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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