So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
