swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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