On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
