i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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