Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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