just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
