I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
