i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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