Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
