If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
