I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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