I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
