So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
