I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
