I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
