I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
