Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
