I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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