If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So squirting runs in the family.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My feet surprised me
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