You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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