theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
