Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
