I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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