she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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